I don’t get upset if DH looks at other women. Part of the reason is this: I understand that men do that all the time. They can’t help it. They are hard-wired to notice, glance at, and even gawk at women. I’ve seen this happen with many, many men in the over-30-and-beyond club. Sometimes I don’t even think they realize they are doing so. (Yes, I’m watching them closely; I’m a student of human nature.)

Now, here’s my caveat to men:

Darlings, although I am saying you can’t help it, that doesn’t give you carte blanche to ogle women. You know what I mean: “stare at in a lecherous manner.” I can’t police what you’re thinking and Lord knows, I don’t want to. But trust me, when women notice you doing it, your stares make us uncomfortable as hell and you will immediately be labeled “creepy.” There is a difference between a quick glance and a long-ass stare where you are actively thinking naughty things. Just don’t do it, okay? Be a gentleman. This post is not talking about bad behavior like that.

Okay, back to my original thoughts. Here’s a story about DH and my dad.

We were waiting for the parade to begin. My dad was in his 60s at the time. DH and my dad were leaning up against a building, not talking, just hanging out. Once in a while, a woman would walk past on the sidewalk. Each time, I watched in amazement as they both–in tandem–looked toward her, watched her pass, and watched her walk away for a second. Then they resumed their bored waiting. My dad! I know, right?!

This incident was just one more observation that led me to believe that men cannot help it. I don’t even think that DH and my dad realized what they were doing. It was natural, a reflex.

As far as DH goes and his glances at other women, it doesn’t bother me anymore because I’m his queen bee. I even ask him questions about what he thinks about other women and what he notices, poking and prodding so I can learn more about the male mind. For example, here is a story that he told me when he returned from getting groceries one day.

“At the store, I made a conscious effort to notice how much I’m looking at women. And it’s all the freakin’ time! From the moment  I get out of the car to the moment I get back in the car. Anything that resembles the female form, I’ll look. If I notice she’s cute, I’ll really want to look but I try not to appear too obvious,” he said.

DH makes me giggle. In a weird way, I’m proud of DH for getting out of his shell, honestly admitting to his wife that he looks at other women, and once in a while, he even smiles at one! I don’t take offense. I think it’s cute. Plus, when we have these conversations, I have a reason to ask him a ton of more questions about how men think!

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