Anyone in long relationship will tell you: it ain’t easy. This book looks at long-term marriages and the wives that survive, even thrive, in them. Krasnow, a journalist, interviewed 200 wives over a two-year period. Her conclusion? Partners in a long-term relationship need more than each other; they need to explore and develop their own sense of self. Relying on another for your happiness is a recipe for unhappiness.

Krasnow’s book “Surrendering to Marriage” emphasized finding joy in ordinary, daily life. This book is the evolution of that message, several years down the road. Find your joy and pursue it, whether is work (paid or unpaid) or a passion. In lengthy transcriptions of interviews with real wives, it’s obvious that joy can take several forms and the road to finding it is not always straightforward or without angst. The pillars of a good relationship are trust, respect and intimacy, and sex goes a long way to cement emotional and physical intimacy. This doesn’t mean having sex outside of the relationship, however. Krasnow is a believer in working on the imperfect relationship you have. The grass isn’t greener on the other side of the fence, although it appears to be.

This is one book I would recommend for anyone, especially wives in long marriages. Relationships are not easy, and this is a darn good companion along the road.

See Iris Krasnow’s TEDxMidAtlantic talk here.