So nice to see you back at the Journal. I promised I would pick this back up in 2020, and here we are! My “Daily Sexy” Journal is an exercise in observation, noticing little moments that make me feel sexy and attractive. Last year, I started this on a lark. I found that when I practiced this, much like an affirmation, it boosted my confidence. 

This year, I invite you to join me. Your own Daily Sexy is tucked away in your day somewhere, and you just need to find it. Post a comment when you find one. So here we go!

Day 1: Many of the affectionate moments between DH and myself happen in the kitchen. I was standing near the counter, thinking–frankly, I probably forgot what I was going to do in the first place. DH came behind me and hugged me. He whispered in my ear, “You’re a beautiful woman.” And yes, his hands wandered a little. I whispered back,” I love when you do that!” I always try to encourage that kind of behavior. The rush of feeling loved is something I wish I could bottle and give to people. I’m not going to object to being felt up a little by DH either.

Day 2: I walk our two rescue dogs at least twice a day when I’m home. I had bundled up for cold weather outside: hat, gloves, fleece and ski jacket. By the time I was halfway through the walk, I muttered, “I’m hot!” The dogs were sniffing pee so they didn’t hear me nor care. But the double meaning did come to mind. Because I am hot!

Day 3: It was a work-from-home day and I had just finished leading a stressful meeting on the phone. The meeting went well and my cheeks were flushed with relief. I had to tell DH. Like magic, he appeared right by my desk. I wasn’t expecting, nor was I in the mental space to process, what he said next: “Wanna fuck?” Um, well, of course I do! But…I just wasn’t there emotionally and had some more work to finish up. So I stood up and hugged him and told him, “No, not right now…” But I was thinking, “AGH! I can’t believe I’m turning down sex!” and DH understood how  much that pained me. “It’s okay, sweetheart, we’ll do it later,” he cooed in my ear. Then I really wanted to jump his bones but I went back to my work and finished my day.

Day 4: The grocery store was full of cart drivers who thought they were in NASCAR, causing an  “I’m sorry!” at every turn. I ambled up and down each aisle, then went back two aisles for a forgotten item. I noticed a man about my age was on the same grocery trajectory as me, the person who you inadvertently stalk as you both shop. He was tall, with sandy blond hair and a weather worn face and hands. He saw me buy diet Coke, beer and wine, and frozen pizza. By the time we got to the dog food, I noticed he had a enormous sized bag of dry dog food draped over his entire cart. I wondered: did he have large dogs? more than one dog? all the same breed or mutts? I never did smile at him or ask about the dog food but I should have. It would have made both of our days. Maybe next time.

Day 5: I caught a glance of myself in a mirror while I was in a store. It was one of those unexpected moments where I didn’t recognize myself at first. I thought, that’s an attractive middle-aged woman with nice hair and pretty eyes. Instantly, my brain kicked in and I thought, well, duh, that’s me. It’s rare that we have a moment of seeing ourselves as the world sees us. And I liked what I saw.

Day 6: Women have the best conversations in and near the bathroom. At the office, I started talking to a beautiful young woman whose style I admire. I told her about the moment not recognizing myself the day before, and asked her if that had happened to her. She said, yes, it had when she cut her hair short. Our conversation drifted to dyeing our hair, and she said she thought I’d look great in a shade of rich brown which I had once tried (and not liked). I thanked her for the compliment and we eventually parted ways. I’ll have to remember to repay the kindness next time I see her. Which will most likely be in the bathroom.

Day 7: I threw my arms around DH’s neck and pressed my entire body against him. It’s so comforting hug him, and I mean hug him with full body contact “You can be my daily sexy, ” I said after a while. He didn’t miss a beat. “I AM your daily sexy.” And there you have it.

Day 8: The morning was quiet and I was not in a rush to get out of bed, since my commute was 25 steps away to my laptop. (Working, sleeping, dressing and bathing in the master bedroom gets a little dull.) Stretching out on my soft blue sheets, I thought, “Self, it’s been a while.” And Self said, “Why, yes, it has. You should indulge.” I replied, “But I don’t really feel like it.” Self countered, “Don’t worry about that, it will come.” And you know what? I did.

Day 9: I can’t help but talk to strangers. Today, I was at work and had to take the elevator an unusual amount. I often talk to people in the elevator, about traffic or weather or shoes or the wonky elevator controls that often take you to the wrong floor. Some people do not want to talk. I respect that and keep my trap closed. But once in a while, there is a man. A man that is good looking, who makes eye contact, who talks to me and smiles. This particular man had blond hair and was my age. He was interested, and he was the type I’d like to have coffee with… And then my elevator stop arrived, long before his executive-floor stop. But I noticed the moment, the interaction, his reaction to me, and mine to him. I’m married but I’m not dead.

Day 10: When I work from home, like I did today, I still put makeup on. It may be 3 pm before I do so, but I do. So you say, why would I even bother, when I’m going to bed in six hours? Because it makes me feel sexy. Makeup gives me confidence and makes me feel stronger. I think I’ll go flirt with DH a little. He appreciates the effort I make because he knows it makes me feel better.  (Who am I kidding? I don’t flirt with DH “a little.” I go all out, every time.)

Day 11: This was an important day for me. I will write a post about this later in detail, but I got my nose pierced today. My two daughters were with me. I’d been thinking about it for over three years. When I looked in the mirror at myself for the first time, I felt like my face was more my own. My inner badass was showing. It was a big deal and a very, very sexy moment.

Day 12: DH and I had sex. Can I get an “Amen!”? Not that I’m counting the days but the last time was Dec. 26, the day our Christmas company left!

Day 13: We were talking in the kitchen and listening to music. DH said, “You can do a dance to this song.” “You mean like this?” I said, moving my hips back and forth in a silly approximation of dancing. “Or do you mean like this?” I asked, changing my hip motion to forward and backward, eventually running into his hips. DH let out a jovial laugh that I love so much. And that is why DH has such a silly wife–I want to hear his love tumble out of his soul and wrap me in warmth.

Day 14: DH was hugging me. He was hugging me tightly, so intensely that my cheek started to hurt as it was pressed against his. “Hey, you’re hurting me,” I said squirming. “I don’t care,” he said. He let me go soon after that. But you know when a toddler hugs their dog’s head so fiercely because they love them so? The dog grimaces while the toddler pushes every ounce of love they have into that dog’s head. Yeah, that.

Day 15: I have breakfast with my work buddy on the mornings when I commute into the office. He and I have become friends over the past three years, sharing laughs and secrets. I was telling him a story over my rehydrated eggs and he kept looking away, which has always annoyed me. I guess it’s just something he does but don’t always feel heard. So I said something about him looking away and was he looking at that girl who was walking away from us? I don’t know why I said that because I sounded borderline petty jealous. He looked a little surprised, and said he wasn’t looking at her. “Why would I when I have one hot tamale right here?” Well, there you have it. I felt better instantly and rather sexy.

Day 16: The advantage of taking the elevator at work over the stairs is the possibility of a man my age going to the executive floors above my own floor. I quickly judge if he’s open to small talk and if so, I will always say something to him to make him laugh. That’s just what I do with strangers, wherever I am. An elevator ride doesn’t allow for much conversation but it’s a little bright spot in my day. Plus, he can watch me sashay away when I get off at my floor.

Day 17: DH always knows how to make me feel sexy. We were walking down the hall in the house so I could show him my new YouTube channel filming set up in a bedroom. Walking behind me, he said, “Mmmm, nice view.” I’m not going to let a comment like that go by without sticking my tush out and wiggling it for him, am I? You better believe I gave him a little wiggle.

Day 18: This is kind of a silly one. No matter what my weight has been, I have always had a shapely figure. My boobs aren’t bad either.  After I get out of the shower, I put lotion on alllll over, including my torso and boobs. I run my lotion-covered hands on my neck, and then run my hands down my chest and back up again. My breasts are soft, a good handful each, pretty darn attractive on their own. I think I’ll keep them.

Day 19: I call it my Exaggerated Butt Wiggle. The EBW has a mind of its own and appears unbidden. If a man is walking behind me, the EBW surfaces in flash.  Here’s an example: I’m walking down the hall at work, and I’m aware there is a man behind me, perhaps we were just speaking or perhaps he’s just walking to the restroom. My hips start to sway more than usual, exaggerating that feminine sashay that men like watching. And if no one is actually watching? Doesn’t matter. Makes me feel sexy anyway.

Day 20: A work day at the office. Dress pants. Shoes with heels.A thong under those dress pants. Yes, a thong. Aqua lace with a slight sparkle. Doesn’t work under jeans because it’s stretchier than most. But under dress pants? Just right. Wanna feel my ass? Nice, huh?

Day 21: DH and I were talking while he was making dinner. I bent over to pick up some cardboard the dogs had torn up. He asked, are you cracking a smile at me? I bent down further and looked back at him from between my legs. I said, You mean like THIS? He laughed and laughed. That’s why I love him. It’s the simple things. It really is.

Day 22: I was practicing for my vlog. i.e., videos on a YouTube channel that I want to start. It’s been surprisingly frustrating to get the audio, video, lighting, and background all just right. On top of all that, the video editing software sometimes closes without warning. I’m trying to learn to have energy and be engaging on camera but as you can imagine, there is a cringe factor watching and listening to yourself. However, I did think at one point as I watched myself on playback, while I’m making up things to say, attempting to smile, rolling my eyes (I do that a lot!), looking at the camera, trying to forget I’m talking to basically myself…I thought, I’d watch her, she’s kind of interesting and cute. That felt really good and like a small accomplishment. It was worth the cringey-ness of a couple hours of practice.

Day 23: Work Buddy to the rescue for the Daily Sexy. I was complaining about my recent weight gain and one reason I don’t like it: my boobs are SO BIG. When I said this, Work Buddy said, smiling, are you trying to bait me? I said, no, I really don’t like them this big. Then he paused and said, ’cause I was going to say you still look smokin’ hot.

Day 24: I do not feel sexy today. You couldn’t drag sexy out of me with a team of Budweiser Clydesdales. I feel big and heavy and clunky. My insides feel flat. No tingle. No spark. But the “blah” won’t last forever. It never does. Stay tuned.

Day 25: I will be going to a different city to train people for my work soon. So today, I was thinking about the last city I went to. I was helping students with their computers and answering questions. After I sat back down, mission accomplished for the time being, I mused that I wasn’t getting much attention from the middle-aged male students. That was disappointing. I don’t mind a little gaze held to long, a nod, a smile, even light conversation accompanied by a half-grin. At that moment, I looked up and the 30-something man I’d just been helping was staring directly at me, that unthinking gaze that I know so well.  Score! Even attention that dwells far below the surface can make the day more interesting when revealed.

Day 26: OMG, I lost a pound! By improving my walking and eating habits, I had some success finally. When I am feeling accomplished, triumphant, and even 0.5% smaller, I am the sexiest vixen around. Damn. Good job, self.

Day 27: I love a good orgasm. I’ll even take a mediocre one. But I’m surprised, even embarrassed, to say I had forgotten the feeling right before the orgasm. The state of being highly aroused when the rest of the word slips away. A warm feeling that blossoms deep behind my genitals. Nerve endings on fire and working in sync. In my case, and I’ve seen other women say this, I see shapes and colors. Then the orgasm breaks the surface, the waves commence, and all is right with the world. I really need to have sex more often, even if DH isn’t around like he was this time!

CONCLUSION OF MY DAILY SEXY JOURNAL II

I tend to run out of steam on this exercise after a while. It’s not that I run out of sexy moments. The challenge is preserving that fleeting feeling by recording it. Looking back, a lot of my moments involve DH. He loves me unconditionally and I am at my best with him. He knows me like no other person does and can finish my sentences. I know that not all couples are guaranteed that after 30 years together, but we have worked our butts off to be married AND happy.

The other moments come from other people, from things outside of me that make me happy, and best of all, from things inside my soul. So we’ll do this again sometime, okay?!