I love sex. I love everything about it and the way it makes me feel–happy, warm, contented. Sex in my 50s has challenges but it also has rewards. Here’s my list of the good stuff.

My partner knows me and my body.

On our first date, DH didn’t kiss me goodnight because he wanted to “do relationships differently.” So we waited to have sex–until the third date. Thirty years have passed since then. DH knows my body, my emotions, my likes and dislikes, and how to satisfy me. When our sex is hot, it’s quite hot. But that doesn’t happen as often as it used to. His-and-hers orgasms use to be the norm but these days we are happy with His-OR-Hers, or maybe neither and just some good old fashioned petting.

I know I should at least try it–whatever “it” is.

I am lucky that I have a partner who likes to experiment. Variety is crucial for a long-term sex life, because you can only do missionary for so long. DH researches ways to please me, methods to make ecstasy last longer, and create more satisfaction for us both. I have also pushed him to participate in my fantasies. We end up pushing each other, talking, compromising, trying new things, throwing some out and finding some that really, really work. He always says the bottom line is that if I’m turned on, he will be, too.

The empty nest has given us a new sense of mental freedom. 

With three kids no longer here, our schedule is suddenly our own. We can eat fast food, sleep in, vacuum at 7 a.m., and watch two TVs at full volume at the same freakin’ time. The freedom is buoyed by a sense of accomplishment. But this doesn’t mean that we are walking naked all over the house (well, sometimes). In fact, our kids are now young adults with their own cars and we never know when they will show up, although we’ve tried to train them to LET US KNOW when they are coming home. This limits our living room sex–and we do like a good session in front of the wood stove. And we still close the bedroom door because of the aforementioned surprise visits. Plus, we have three fur kids. We don’t need spectators or heaven forbid, a dog jumping on the bed mid-act, wanting to cuddle.

I know what I like and my sexual abilities have matured. 

I love being in a long-term relationship and having a partner and companion. Emotionally, affection and touch is necessary to me every day. When it comes to being attracted to others, DH and I are very much in the “I’m married, not dead” club. A personality that is attractive to me can outweigh physicality and turn me on.

Physically, I know what turns me on…and what really doesn’t. My body has learned through years of patience, sensual touch and orgasmic response to become open to nuance and embrace new sensations. To realize that my orgasms are improving due to relaxation and fantasy is exciting. More choices are on the sexual menu now than ever before.

An improving sex life over the years: isn’t that what many of us wish for? Even to maintain any sort of sex life would make some folks happy. I know that in reality, an illness, months of not communicating, long-term anger and many more things can sideline a healthy sex life and relegate it to memory. For some, the loss of physical intimacy is a pain that should not be underestimated.

I do worry about what will happen to our sex life in our 60s and even 70s. What are the solutions to keeping emotional and physical intimacy vibrant? What if I want to keep having sex beyond the point at which DH does? Can we find alternatives? And despite the frustrations of aging, I hope I am able to have sex with DH for many more years. He has been good for me, and I for him. Besides, he is a great kisser and I want to kiss him a lot more.