“Ride or die” brings to mind a couple holding tight to each other on a motorcycle, mile after mile after mile. 

But you need to know, I DO NOT ride motorcycles. I did operate a four-wheeler once in my 20s, and I drove it right into a three-strand, barbed-wire fence. NOT a good result. 

I wondered what “ride or die” means in long-term relationships. The longer phrase is about bikers “ride til the end or die trying.” But now it means someone who would “ride” out any problem with you, or die trying, as in, “He’s my ride or die.” 

To me, it means standing by that person no matter what—-being protective of them emotionally, and sharing immense trust and loyalty.

Darling Husband and I are totally “ride or die.” Have we always been “ride or die”? Hell no. 

You and I know that a long-term partnership changes daily. You feel love and joy. You also feel anger and hate. For myself and DH, we considered divorce more than once. We pictured what life would be like after separating, and for us, we didn’t like that picture of our family at all. So, we worked on our relationship by doing things together AND doing things apart. We talked until our asses fell off, and then kept talking. 

We were honest about who we both were, at our core, at the moment. And we ended up deciding that we would remain together and make the best of our crazy life. We joke that we are stuck together with glue—-the superglue kind! We are “ride or die.”

You might say, well, isn’t that nice for you? Believe me, I understand DH and I are only one couple in this world, and each couple’s story is unique. You are the only two who understand your relationship. Is “ride or die” for every partnership? No, it’s not. In fact, that might not be your story at all. You may decide to part ways at some point.

And “ride or die” can be negative, too. If you stay with someone no matter how they treat you, and you’re fiercely loyal and protective about their obvious life problems, that’s giving up your own well-being for someone else. This applies to women AND men. Being compassionate and caring for someone is admirable, but enduring abuse and being loyal to the point of self-neglect can be very damaging. I know that because I’ve done that.

 Your “ride or die” should have your back. They love and respect you. They make you better than you are alone. They support you when you make hard decisions. They give you space to be yourself. They are a friend, lover, mentor, and companion. And they are a warm, secure place to come home to. 

Only you can work out if your relationship is “ride or die”, and if that’s a desired or attainable goal. Relationships are like a train on a track up a sloping hill–you are either moving forward or backward. If “ride or die” appeals to you, you keep moving UP that hill, no matter what. But if you choose not to, that’s okay, too.

Remember, talk to your partner until your ass falls off, and then keep talking. And I wouldn’t recommend riding with me on a four-wheeler when I’m driving. 

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