I was worried and I couldn’t shut my brain off. It scared me shitless and I wasn’t sure why. I was an adult with life experience. What was the problem?

DH and I were talking about moving. Granted, we’ve talked about this before. Since our last conversation about the subject ended with, “Maybe we won’t move.” I had grabbed on to that thought and quit considering the idea. So we were not moving after all. Yay!

But like a slasher movie intruder who you just knifed and thought was dead, a hand reaches out and grabs your ankle, forcefully and with intent. 

How did the conversation turn back to leaving this region? We have stayed in our current home because we were raising the kids and for my job. Well, the kids are gone, living their own lives, and my job is portable. And truth be told, DH doesn’t like it here, he never has. All the trees make him feel claustrophobic and the traffic drives his anxiety through the roof (mine, too). We had agreed to consider moving back West someday. Guess what? It’s almost Someday.

I had to tell DH how I was feeling over our nightly beer30. I was scared but why? I wanted to figure it out. I needed his help. I said I realized that I don’t have to shoulder the burden of my feelings alone on this one, because I’m not alone. He said, “You can always come to me and we will figure it out together. You’re not alone in this thing. I’m right there by you.”

There are so many more conversations to be had as we enter this next phase of our life: his retirement, and the final phase of my career. Life is all baby steps and learning curves. But I don’t have to do it alone, not now. If I can just remember that, I’ll be okay.