Say hello to a new series: “What is (fill in the blank) anyway?” We’re going to explore topics about sexuality like desire, arousal, intimacy, and more. So why not begin with my favorite topic: “What are sex toys anyway?”

Sex toys are hot fudge on my vanilla ice cream. Toys just take sex up one level and enhance it. This is a list of my favorite toys, from Good to Better to Best. At the end of this post, I’ll tell you one of my embarrassing sex toy stories as a young mom because…why not?

Okay, here we go! No, wait. First, I have a disclaimer.

Kay’s Sex Toy Tip: If you are over 50 like me and have never, ever tried a sex toy, maybe now is the time to talk to your partner about getting one. But please don’t just whip out the fuzzy handcuffs you bought and announce you’re going to use them. Using sex toys is a joint decision; talk about it first. Be open and honest. It’s even fun to look at websites together and see all the variety of toys available. It’s an adventure for both of you! I’ll post my favorite shopping site at the end of this post.

Another Sex Toy Tip from Kay: No matter what toy you choose, definitely use lube and only use water-based lube with silicone toys. Clean the toys well after use. And store them in a bag or box so they don’t pick up dirt and crumbs–‘cuz if they roll around naked in a drawer, that’s just gross.

Okay, here we go–for real!

Number 6: Cock ring – Cock rings are placed around the base of the penis or the base of the testicles and penis. They are put on when the penis is flaccid, and as a man becomes aroused, blood cannot leave the penis, causing the erection to be firmer and to last longer. Cock rings have been a great alternative to drugs for Darling Husband because they work for him and there are drug side effects. Plus, they don’t cost much at all. There are commercial cock rings of all sizes, textures, and combinations, even vibrating and candy ones! DH also uses an elastic ponytail holder, but it has to be kept separate from MY ponytail holders. The black one with white bits on it? That one is his. 

Number 5: Butt plug – I had a beginner’s butt plug but have lost it. (No, not up there!) Choose from a huge variety of plugs and beads for anal play. When using a plug, I suggest starting with one that is rather slim. It’s crucial to warm up and lube the area first before inserting anything that will stretch the rectum. If you are not ready, it can be shockingly painful! However, do not underestimate the nerve endings in the anal area as a source of pleasure. During intercourse, it gives a sense of, well, fullness. Depending on the style, it also can pop out at inopportune times which, to the user, feels like an unintended b.m.

Number 4: Penis extender – Next is a toy that we reserve for special occasions. Usually, I request it. It’s a penis extender. DH has to become erect to put it on, and the penis fits inside a cavity. He has it on under his jeans when he comes to the bedroom. And voila, there is more of him than usual. I do appreciate his normal size but I also appreciate an extra girth and length at times. It also turns him on to see me play with it as if it were actually him.

Number 3: Nipple clamps – Nipple clamps come in a pair and have rubber-coated alligator clips. The clips may be single with decoration or chained together. The clamps are a little painful but that is the point. They are adjustable with a small screw so you can control the amount that they clamp, from light to tight. I have found that timing is key–not only putting them on but also taking them off. When they are taken off, blood rushes to the nipple which is the most painful part. This is as close as I’m going to get to BDSM play!

Number 2: Dildos – I just discovered dildos relatively recently. Not to be confused with vibrators, dildos do not have a motor and are basically a chunk of silicone or glass. Therefore, you control what the dildo does. They come in all different sizes, shapes, and textures; I tend to like purple. You know when you use a (room temperature) cucumber? That’s pretty much a dildo.

And Number 1 is:

Vibrators – At the top of the list is the humble, classic vibrator. One of the most popular styles is the Rabbit. I have worn out three of these babies and am on my fourth. A Rabbit has the notable feature of an extra appendage, sometimes shaped like “ears,” which stimulate the clitoris. In general, vibrators usually have several speeds and vibrating patterns. Some also simulate thrusting. Newer-style vibes are super creative in shape and color. Part of the fun is figuring out how and where you like to use it the best! I’ve heard L-shaped vibrators are pretty nifty, too. (wink, wink)

As promised, here’s my silly bedtime story.

Our oldest daughter was about five, and she had a friend over to play. The friend’s mom had arrived to pick up her daughter and we were chatting in the living room, making small talk. Suddenly my daughter came around the corner giggling. “Look!” she said to her friend. My daughter had my vibrator in her hand and it was turned on to its top speed. Now, you have to understand this was no average vibrator. It was neon pink, extra-large, and shaped like the most exaggerated penis you’ve ever seen. Head, veins, everything. I didn’t know what to do at first, but then I grabbed it, turned it off with some difficulty, and put it on top of the kitchen refrigerator. Back in the living room, I resumed conversation with the flustered mom, like a normal human being. You know, I can’t recall if that friend ever visited again. 

If you have a story about any sex toys you’ve loved, leave me a comment below. I also have a sad story about my last Rabbit vibrator: 

Where I currently shop: