Experiencing touch, especially from one we love, is vital to our well-being. Sex is a powerful way to connect, and each person has an individual preferences of sexual connection. Many couples have trouble discussing sex and this book provides solid, every day advice for doing so. Every couple should read this book, even if you are having good sex.

While other partnership issues are discussed such as having children, finances, vacations, the sexual relationship is often not. In fact, the lack of sex is often a unilateral decision driven by the low-desire partner drives the decision, and the sexual connection fades. The cycle of sexless marriage is self-reinforcing: the couple doesn’t talk about sex, and lack of emotional communication leads to frustration and anger, which only leads to less communication.

This is a self-help book in the best sense of the word. Packed with solid advice, Davis’ book outlines how to stop doing what doesn’t work and start doing what does. The book has a section addressing the high-desire spouse and one addressing the low-desire spouse, both of which are enlightening and required reading for both partners. If you’ve ever wondered why your spouse is the way he or she is, these sections will tell you, as well as how they feel and think. A mismatch of sexual desire levels is not uncommon. Low desire affects both women and men, and both sides of the partnership practice patterns that are defeating to a healthy sex life.

Davis, a marriage therapist, illustrates her points with stories of couples who are in the midst of sexless marriage. She believes that many marriages can be saved, avoiding unnecessary divorce. Marriage is about mutual caretaking and love, including giving and receiving sexually, which in turn is good for both partners and for the relationship.

Anyone in a long-term relationship, or anyone in a sexless marriage regardless of its length, would benefit from this book.

See Michele Weiner Davis’ TEDxCU Talk here.