Before you go thinking that being married to DW is a bed of rose petals, DH answers questions he has heard about being DW’s long-suffering spouse.
Q: How did you get such a sexually adventurous wife?
A: Actually, I am going to take all of the credit for this one. Time, patience and experimentation on my part. Well, that and the fact that she discovered other men found her as sexy as I did. Then it was, “Katy, bar the door.” One caveat: be careful what you wish for.
Q: Why? What happened?
A: She suddenly wanted sex most of the time. Keep in mind that for the previous 20 years, she didn’t. She had little kids and I understood that. I’m patient. But on the other hand, I still wanted sex which I wasn’t always getting. So I waited, supported her, and kept trying to experiment. Now, today, the tables are turned. I don’t feel like a 25 year old anymore every night but sometimes she does. And that’s okay.
Q: That must be great to have a wife who wants to @#$@ all the time.
A: Well, she doesn’t want to @#$@ all of the time. At least not in real life. We contend with each other’s “dirty laundry” (the daily realities of life). I don’t know if most men could handle her.
Q: How do I get my wife/partner to want to @#$@ all the time?
A: Read my answer to the first question. Plus, there are two perspectives and one reality involved in any relationship. Finding reality, the truth, can be hard because it might mean that YOU need to be vulnerable. DW and I have been through a lot. I have watched DW tell me the truth knowing full well that the truth may be the end of us. In the moment, the truth hurt. But today I see the bravery the truth required, and I am in awe of that bravery.
Q: My partner doesn’t want to talk about sex and doesn’t want sex hardly at all. I feel like I’ve tried everything.
A: Listen to him or her. Let’s assume it’s your wife. She might be feeling like you want her only for sex. I’ve felt like that, and it’s annoying. Back off and listen. If you do have sex, what are her body and sounds telling you? Watch her. Figure her out. What does she need? Does she just need you to listen to her day and feel heard and cared for? Maybe you should wash the dishes or vacuum, that always turns DW on. But seriously, she is already telling you what she needs. Make sense?
Q: Would you agree with this thought: “DH is such a lucky guy!”?
A: Yes.
BTW, this is not a picture of the real DH…just an anonymous happy man!
You can also find me here:
So you are a lucky man with emphasis on lucky.. Yes you made the right choices: being patient, understanding, loving her thru the tough times, learning how to be a better lover (??) … But the fact remains that many women lose their libido after Menopause. Yours didn’t. That’s the lucky part!
July 24, 2019 at 10:26 pmYes, DH feels he is a lucky guy! There are many reasons for loss of libido in men and women. I would hope that if the couple feels it’s a problem, they explore all possible physical, then relational, ways to attack the problem. Unfortunately, it does take two to have sex, and the low desire partner often controls the quantity. The good news that is while the average quantity may decrease, the quality can increase after 50. I wish that for everyone. Thanks for your comment!
August 4, 2019 at 12:09 pm