Desire…and the lack thereof. The problem of “sexless marriage” is formidable and more prevalent than society realizes. It affects all ages of partnerships, including new ones. That is why books like this are so important–to honestly assess what is going on in the relationship and attempt to provide solutions to sex life that meets both partners’ needs. In fact, I would recommend this book for any couple who is interested in boosting their sexual IQ.

There were so many things I liked about this book. First, the McCarthys dispensed with the term “sexless marriage.” Instead they use “low sex” and “no sex”, which is more specific. Second, they repeat themselves–a lot. But the key concepts in the book bear repeating, like the value of non-demand pleasuring, which is touchy-feely but without a goal of orgasm. The authors confront sexual dysfunction, turn offs to intimacy, the difference between emotional and sexual intimacy, ways to create intimacy and how to prevent relapse. They address the low-sex spouse vs. the high-sex spouse, and how each can stop sabotaging their communication. After all, this is a couple’s issue that both partners must work at together.

Intimate and detailed profiles of real couples illustrate a variety of challenges and how each couple makes progress toward enjoying their erotic life once more. Finding “bridges to desire” is key concept–exploring what turns each partner on, together and individually. The authors even detail bedroom scenarios to try–DIY erotica. How do you nurture a sensual marriage? This book is a good beginning.

P.S. When is the last time you went on a date, anyway?